heart dissasembled

heart dissasembled

I have been breathing borrowed air.
I am no longer who I use to be.
I struggle daily to love like Jesus.
Daily I ask, why did we choose this?
The pain of losing, yet gaining, plays with my soul.
Moment by moment I feel the real struggle; die to self.
My heart has been invaded with the faces of children, who aren’t mine – who haven’t been claimed, by anyone.
We’re asked”why?” “Why would you do this?”
One minute, my heart bursts with exuberant joy.
The next, my heart breaks into millions of pieces, as tears invade my face.
It’s true, my heart has been, disassembled.

crack a window please

crack a window please

I actually blog more, than it appears on your screen. Sometimes I tuck my thoughts and words away for awhile, or just never publish them at all. You see, I’m never sure if I should share something publically or not. And in this case, it was written during a really challenging down time. A couple months of real, raw struggle and pain. I don’t want people to have pity on my struggles, yet I don’t want to hide them – because too often people only see the rosy side of things, and let me tell you — it’s not all sunshine and roses over here. Promise. 😉

glory-chasing | march

glory-chasing | march

•For eyesight. And the provision for new glasses. God provides.
•For clearer direction; and like mindedness. He breaks the chains of our hearts, to help us see areas that need more work in our lives.
•When our hearts remain heavy; we can rest assured – God knows and He is perfectly able. And if He doesn’t take this away; there is a perfectly good reason. I just need to grow and keep trusting.

glory-chasing | january

glory-chasing | january

My goal for 2017 is to record each months blessings that I have caught my attention; while also looking for ones I may not have otherwise seen, if I wasn’t looking for them in the first place. My desire it to train my eyes to seek out God’s glory in the everyday, while I spend my year glory-chasing. I want these monthly posts to give praise to Jesus alone for each blessing, or lesson I have learned.

glory-chasing; praise lifting

glory-chasing; praise lifting

While 2016 went out with a big bag, I felt it was a difficult yet well blessed year. My one word for the year was “Faith” and the Lord used it in very big ways. Bigger than I ever anticipated or dreamed. This “crazy faith” stuff is kind of an addicting thriller ride for life, and it has left me wanting more. As the last chapter of 2016 was being penned – I was certain what my word for 2017 would be. God proved Himself over and over again, by His faithfulness to our family, and this one little word kept creeping into my heart…

reclaimed peanut brittle & a recipe

reclaimed peanut brittle & a recipe

Over the years I occasionally through trial and era have tossed out several pounds of my brittle failure. I even chewed and chewed, and swallowed because I couldn’t stand seeing it tossed out. Well, this year once again – I made my favorite Christmas delight like I do each year. Mind you, I haven’t had a failed attempt for a couple years now, this recipe is AMAZING and super easy. It really will give any non cook kitchen credibility that will make them soar! Serious business people. But this was THE year for a failure to happen.

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