heart dissasembled

heart dissasembled

I have been breathing borrowed air.
I am no longer who I use to be.
I struggle daily to love like Jesus.
Daily I ask, why did we choose this?
The pain of losing, yet gaining, plays with my soul.
Moment by moment I feel the real struggle; die to self.
My heart has been invaded with the faces of children, who aren’t mine – who haven’t been claimed, by anyone.
We’re asked”why?” “Why would you do this?”
One minute, my heart bursts with exuberant joy.
The next, my heart breaks into millions of pieces, as tears invade my face.
It’s true, my heart has been, disassembled.

crack a window please

crack a window please

I actually blog more, than it appears on your screen. Sometimes I tuck my thoughts and words away for awhile, or just never publish them at all. You see, I’m never sure if I should share something publically or not. And in this case, it was written during a really challenging down time. A couple months of real, raw struggle and pain. I don’t want people to have pity on my struggles, yet I don’t want to hide them – because too often people only see the rosy side of things, and let me tell you — it’s not all sunshine and roses over here. Promise. 😉

glory-chasing; praise lifting

glory-chasing; praise lifting

While 2016 went out with a big bag, I felt it was a difficult yet well blessed year. My one word for the year was “Faith” and the Lord used it in very big ways. Bigger than I ever anticipated or dreamed. This “crazy faith” stuff is kind of an addicting thriller ride for life, and it has left me wanting more. As the last chapter of 2016 was being penned – I was certain what my word for 2017 would be. God proved Himself over and over again, by His faithfulness to our family, and this one little word kept creeping into my heart…

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