cherish – tomorrow may be your last

People say God’s timing and ways are always perfect. I’ve always believed it to be
true, and still do. But in that very moment, it wasn’t even making sense at all. These babies needed their momma, he needed his wife….

It’s been exactly Three-hundred and sixty-five days, I miss her.

She sat sideways on the pew in front of me. Arm gently resting on the back of the old wooden church pew.

“Hey, do you guys want to come over Friday night?”

I quickly reached for my pocket calendar concealed in my purse. As I flipped to the date, I remember thinking, the end of the week would be a new month, and how quickly the year was already flying by. To my excitement and to her delight there was absolutely nothing planned for Friday, February 1st 2013. I quickly scribbled in the date and we hurriedly started planning the evening before it was time to go.

You see our husbands were most likely waiting for us. We enjoyed each others company. With her it was very easy to fall into conversation together, and harder to fall out.

“Alright, Friday night – dinner & games!” she said.

“Sounds like a plan!” I replied.

 

THREE DAYS LATER:

I woke up with a terrible migraine, which only progressed in its greatness as the day prolonged. As evening approached my husband came home from work, and I asked him to take hold of the fort. I needed to lay down and relieve this debilitating  headache. My husband gladly took the reigns and got to work on finishing dinner, and feeding the kids.

I remember laying my head on the pillow, and waking to my husband’s voice a couple hours later:

“Honey, wake up. Becca’s mom just called and left a message on your phone. Micah and Becca were involved in a bad car accident.”

At first, my blurred head didn’t think I was hearing things right.

“What?”

“She left a message on your phone, I didn’t catch it in time.” my husband replied.

I quickly called Becca’s mom back. As I asked her what was going on, she spoke the words I really was hoping not to hear.

“All I know is Becca’s not doing well, she is in critical condition, Micah was injured as well, but is stable, they are both in ICU. Thankful the kids were with me. I was calling to see if you could take the kids, I know you and Becca are good friends but, you didn’t answer so I took them over to the neighbor. I’m on my way to the hospital right now. Just pray!”

The winter weather had taken a turn for the worst.  Driving conditions were not recommended due to blowing snow and blizzard conditions.

I told my husband that I wanted to be there. But, my husband very wisely told me we should wait due to the bad weather. So I stayed close to the the phone. We would head in as soon as weather cleared. All we could do was pray.

As the weather worsened I was thankful to get the news that though Becca was still in critical condition, and suffering with a head trauma she was still fighting.

As the early morning progressed I kept up to date on the latest. I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was pray!

First thing come daylight, my husband and I arrived at the hospital early morning. There were numerous family members there. Becca’s Mom and Sister were the ones to greet us first. Though we never met, She reached out her arms with tears in her eyes and said

“The doctors have told us that she is brain dead and she’s now only on life support because she was an organ donor. “She’s already with Jesus!”

We both cried and held each other close. Two woman whom have never met, but dearly, and deeply loved a special lady, who to us left this earth way to soon.

As we composed ourselves once again – Becca’s mom told me how often Becca talked of me. How excited she was that she found a friend at Church. {I remember thinking – I remember the first Sunday they came to church! I remember, being so excited a young couple near my husband’s and I’s age with little ones was visiting! We had prayed so long, and finally prayers had been answered!}

We were told we could go in and see her if we wanted. I remember walking down that ICU hall – feeling like I wasn’t sure I could carry myself let alone take another step without collapsing, tears just streaming down my face.

It was then my husband reached out and without a word grabbed my hand as we walked into Becca’s room. I knew I didn’t have to do this, but I needed closure, and I needed to say goodbye and give an – “I’ll see you again” to a lady I truly could call a friend.

There on a tall bed, lay a lifeless body, amongst cords and wires, her chest compressing by nothing more than a modern machine. It didn’t look like her. I remember feeling a bit distraught for the  nurses who didn’t care enough to wipe a drip of dried blood from her forehead. With tears in my eyes, I stroked her forehead, I reached for her hand under the blanket, with as firm of a squeeze I could muster, I said a few words and a goodbye, see you again soon. As soon as I could compose myself, my husband and I walked to the room where Becca’s husband was.

Such hard moments we must often face in life. Each deep valley the Lord allows in our lives is breaking us, and making us, into who the Lord intended us to be.

FEBRUARY 1ST 2013:

The morning came, and Becca was officially confirmed deceased. As we were up at the hospital to visit Micah again that morning, I remember being told the nurses were making fingerprints of Becca’s for the kids to cherish as keepsakes. I remember trying to fight back more tears. But it was no use. It was a time for grieving. Those babies, her husband. What will they do?

It was hard to grasp. One moment she was there, and the next – she was gone.

As my husband and I left the hospital that day and headed to take care of a few things for the family before the kids and Micah came home, we were blessed to have a fine older couple from church to share a difficult responsibility with us. Such wisdom, such grace to have older friends as well in life to walk along with us.

I remember, standing in the middle of her kitchen – the tears just started pouring down my face. I realized at that very moment – it was the day our family was planned to come over for dinner and games. Who would have possibly known, that the day scribbled on my pocket calendar, was the day my sweet friend would go home with Jesus? As I tried to wipe tears from my eyes, I looked up, and there sitting on her sink was a mug, with a very light lip marking. All the mug said was “hope.” It looked like her last morning cup was sitting right where she left it. ::sigh:: What a message of HOPE that we one day will meet again, in God’s splendor and glory! Really, that is the only thing that can get us through this tragedy. To know we have a hope!

 

 But now, Lord, what do I look for?  My hope is in you.  Psalm 39:7

 

The morning of the accident Becca and her husband knew nothing of what was to come. I know for a fact like anyone else – they would have arranged things differently to avoid such a devastating fate, if they could have helped it. But, God in His unexplainable greatness allowed such a tragedy for reasons we may not ever know here in this earth. The Lord plans each of our steps.

As I sit here writing, I will admit – the tears every now and then have started to roll down my cheeks as I tap away this memory at the keyboard. Some of the pain returns as if it were just yesterday.

At 28, a wife and mother went home to be with Jesus, leaving her husband, and 3 small big eyed beautiful children. Her life so short. Her friendship so incredibly sweet. Her laugh contagious. {I still remember and hope to never forget exactly how she repeatedly would say several phrases.} It makes me smile to remember these things.

I vowed to allow Becca’s death to change the way I look at life. The way I love my husband, the way I mother my children and so forth. Being reminded of our days, and how quickly they pass is so important. I was severely shaken as a wife & a mom to leave a legacy that resonates my Lord and Savior to my children, my husband and those around me. It has made me contemplate every step with grace and love, for we know not moments we have left. We know not the last breaths we will take. In a blink, in a moment our lives, or the lives around us could be gone before we even realize it.

Side note:  Becca was a donor – she was able to share life with several people. I can’t help but wonder, perhaps just one of those recipients if not all of them may come to know the Lord. And so I continue to pray for people I don’t even know.