Throughout all the crazy chaos – I find a quiet peace, when I stop to smell the roses and keep my list of bountiful blessings near my side. I breathe deep, and exhale with the comfort that God holds all and knows all.I’ve been finding myself in a deep chasm of learning this year. Forever till we die, will we be here in this place of learning and striving until Christ’s return! So, we keep breathing, smiling, learning and exhaling. Because God is SO very good to His children.

I’ve been doing some reevaluating, lots of praying, and finding myself pondering on what I’ve been learning this year. I chose the word FOCUS for my word of the year,  back in December of 2012. It’s proven itself more evident in 2013, little did I know what would come…sudden death of a friend, our 3rd miscarriage, family struggles, my health, a failed suicide attempt from a loved one, and marriages and relationships crumbling all around us. And the list could go on, not lacking in not so wonderful things.

But, through out it all there have been showers of blessings, through the pain and the tears. His love and grace has covered us, and kept our hearts warm time and time again this year.

God’s been allowing these things to happen for our good. He keeps faithfully teaching my husband and I.  His daily grace is completely undeserving. This year I’ve felt that I’m being stripped away, carved and molded than ever before. Leaving my heart bare and open, while He works on me. I only pray that something beautiful comes forth. Because right now, I sit among the shavings, and the scraps – and I’m having a difficult time seeing any beauty coming forth when I lose FOCUS. These words have been a great encouragement to me:

He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ…  Phil. 1:6

The greatest peace comes when we remember life is full, busy and no doubt blessed, but this world is NOT our home. There are better things to come!

I’ve been going through a continued health issue since a serious health bout in July. Upon my last update – I ended up back in the ER again. This time doctors discovered a cyst on my right ovary and a growth on my left. The growth has been a concern for my doctor since last ER visit. I’ve gone in for several US scans and doctor visits. I found out Tuesday, that I am not being let go as there is still some concern. I’m being sent to see a specialist for a second opinion – and will again be sent in for yet another US scan.

I’m frustrated with the medical world. But, understand to a point that some things you can’t rush. But, when I look at my husband and our 5 beautiful babies, I can’t help but want to get things rolling “just in case!”

The waiting game is ridiculously hard. My husband and I just want some answers. And bills piling without answers become extremely frustrating! As I’m being stripped bare, carved and molded – I am reminded more and more…I am nothing without Jesus! And I’m learning to want nothing but Jesus!

I’ll be honest, I’ve been some what complacent through the whole “ordeal.” I dislike being fussed over and being the center of attention. I struggle with sharing these kinds of things on the blog. Hard to know where to draw the line of being too personal and being up front and honest. But, this last visit, made things seem more real. And I come to you, my faithful friends and readers – laying down my pride and humbly asking for more prayer.

Prayer for peace, and patience, prayer for my husband and I’s hearts. Pray our strength in the Lord will be continually strengthened  as we’ve been given yet another learning curve we must hurdle. Pray we stay focused on the Lord.

Thanks for praying – I’ll do my best in keeping you all updated once we know more.

I’d like to leave you with the song that shares some of the pieces of my heart right now. Perhaps you’re finding yourself in this place too? I want nothing more than Jesus to have FIRST PLACE in my life. I hope that is your prayer as well!

May we want nothing more than to stay FOCUSED on the one who loves us more deeply than any human ever could. Stay focused friend. The road is hard and long. But, the prize for staying with it is literally out of this world! ::Hugs:: to all those finding themselves being molded as well. Stay faithful. <3


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