I debated on whether or not I should write this post. But after prayer, and consideration of my daughters story – I felt the need to share these feelings in a brief form. They are overwhelming, and full of pain. These thoughts are so very moving, and despite the sorrow they are still very full of joy when you get to the heart of the matter. Therefore, the need to write my thoughts while they are fresh…is very important for future reference.

We normally hear about the wonderful and glorious parts of adoption, but we often fail to forget or even consider the loss that comes with adoption. Friends, there is SO much loss. Sorrow, grieving and pain on all areas of the spectrum.

A year ago TODAY, a precious little newborn girl was found left alone, abandoned. Although we don’t always understand the reasons why people make certain life altering decisions. Two worlds apart, a birth mother made a very hard and difficult decision. I don’t know her reasoning’s, or even the situations she was going through in her life. I may never know why. But I can’t help but feel the ache and pain of this mother, who carried her baby for months. No matter what the world tells us – a mother and child without a thought, are perfectly connected by the womb. And without a doubt, even without knowing my daughters birth mother’s reasoning or her story, the fact is – she had a story! And to give birth to her little one and leave her little girl…for what I’m sure she was hoping for her daughter, a better life. I have no doubt she loved her little girl! She gave her daughter LIFE. That in my book is a HERO. And I will raise my daughter to love her birth mother because of that simple fact.

With tears in my eyes – I wish I could tell my daughters birth mother, that we vow to raise her with every bone and muscle in our bodies. We will love and care for her and give her the best life possible. I want to thank her, for giving her little girl LIFE, because of it – I have a beautiful little girl I’m waiting to hold in my arms.


The hardest part for me as a mother two worlds apart – is the very fact that I wasn’t there on the days she was cold, hungry and needed held and soothed. The comfort I do have is that if God cares for the birds of the air – he most definitely was caring and is still caring for my daughter, even when she was alone. His eye is on the sparrow.

Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-31 {NKJV}

I could wallow in everything that I have missed or am going to miss.

  • Her first smile
  • That first belly roll
  • Her 1st tooth
  • Being able to capture her first crawl
  • Watching her grow month to month
  • Snapping those monthly growth pictures!
  • Her 1st birthday without us. 🙁
    and so on…..

I have even been pathetically looking back through my Facebook and my journal to see what I was doing on the day she was born, the day she was left alone, and also the days in between…I was still recovering from a health issue that occurred in July of that year. And I realized the day my daughter was found, was the day I received 3rd degree burns on my chest after cooking down a turkey carcass in boiling water. Not exactly the memory I was searching for.

I was hoping something would stick out in my memory, I was searching for some inkling of a memory I never really had but hoped to have.

The only thing I really discovered was on Thanksgiving Day last year {2013} while we were celebrating with family, I was unaware at the time that my little girl was spending her 3rd day in the orphanage at only 7 days old, struggling to eat, and crying incessantly. But she was alive, and fighting to thrive. My heart aches at the thought – because I wasn’t there. And there was nothing I could do, I didn’t even know.

You see, I can wallow in my own personal sorrows and woes, but it really does nothing for me.

So, I’m determined to PRAISE the LORD for what I will be able to experience and capture with our daughter. And that just brings the biggest smile and happy tears to my eyes.

A special little memory and God no doubt ordained, Is the thought that came to my mind. I realized that my daughter and I would have been included in the Mommy/Baby newborn picture with my sisters and their new babies on Thanksgiving Day 2013. One born in September, one in October, and my little daughter November, and another sister’s baby was born just a few days into December. I remember feeling that I was actually missing being in that mommy/baby group, my arms felt like they were missing a little one, even though I didn’t have a really little one at the time, it turns out I really did, only two worlds apart! This makes my heart SMILE. 🙂

God’s plans are always far better than ours – and I can’t wait to see what he has planned for our little sweetheart!

Though my heart still aches, I’m comforted knowing that my daughter is being held in her Father’s hands, while we wait for the day to hold her ourselves.

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