unaware of love

 She has spent all but 4 days of her life in a little wooden crib.

Occasionally, she’s lifted for brief moments to have floor time.

She’s very familiar with her institutional setting.

She has no perception or idea of what her very near future is about to hold.

The four pink walls of her orphanage room have become all she has ever known these past 14 months of her life.

Her world is so very small right now. Even in her wildest baby dreams can she even fathom what is straight ahead in the next few weeks.

She hasn’t the slightest idea that she has a momma and big sister who have searched and handpicked a handful of little dresses at consignment shops and sale racks, and who have even splurged on a dress to match her big sister in hopes it will fit. Just a little line of dresses all in a row with big dreams that accompany the the waiting.

 

 

She has hasn’t a clue that her almost 12 year old sister has prayed continually for a sister for years, or that she has set aside adequate space, and has continued to make plans and carve out a special place with her baby sister for months now – and has files of family drawn portraits that include her.

 

 

She hasn’t a an inkling that her 10 year old brother who has a soft warrior heart, and can’t wait to be her protector – and who also enjoys to learn new Mandarin words, and phrases so that his first words will be in a language she is familiar with.
She probably can’t even imagine that she has a 7 year old brother that has piles of Christmas cards and birthday cards stashed away in a special place..waiting just for her. The brother that was somewhat hesitant when we told him the plans of adoption at the beginning. The brother that was worried  – just maybe, might have one of the softest hearts of them all.

 

 

She hasn’t the slightest idea that she has a 4 year old brother who every night petitions God that He would bring his little sister home soon.

She has no absolute idea that she has a 2 year old brother who speaks about her on a regularly day to day basis. Not a day goes by when he asks when we’re going to bring home his little sister. She has no inkling that she receives dozens of kisses every day via her picture.

She hasn’t the slightest idea that her family is recording her growth on their family ruler – just so they can see how big she is growing.

 

 

 

She has no absolute idea the longing and heartache her family feels for her.

She has no inclination that without her here with us – leaves this gigantic void in our hearts.

She has no idea that she is so very much loved, and very much a part of our family – and that we miss her sweet face, even though we’ve never met face to face.

She has no inkling that her very few pictures sit in various places in our home. The Refrigerator, her sister’s bedroom mirror, and our living room wall – and that we stare at her sweet face so often and say a prayer.

 

 

She has no perception that there is a GOD who LOVES her the most – and that she has a family who can’t wait to tell her all the great things he has done to bring her to our family – or how valued and precious she is to him.

As we glance at her sweet picture we are overwhelmed and can not even begin to comprehend that of all the families
in this big world…we would get to be hers!

I think about my baby girl numerous times a day… as we wait just a little while longer… I think about how small her little world is, and how her non existent view of her future is. She can’t see the panoramic view that will be changing her world so very, very soon. All she sees are the wooden bars of her crib, and her 4 pink walls – and I think about how I am so very much like my little girl.

Right now, all I can see is the long distance and more waiting in between us. Yet, I know that no matter how difficult it is to look ahead – even though in reality we’re not far off. I just cannot even grasp the rejoicing and the sheer rapture that awaits my heart in the simple joy of being her momma!

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