On the eve of a big medical day for our little girl, I
pen type some deep thoughts that have been mulling around my heart and soul for several weeks. But before you read further – would you please ask the Lord Jesus for his will in our daughter’s life, and our life as well? Pray for healing if that is God’s desire (we believe our God is more than capable of healing, but we also desire that whatever he has chosen for our daughter, and for us – that it will bring glory to his name.) Please pray for wisdom for the doctors, for peace, strength, and endurance for whatever the news we hear in the coming hours. Your prayers are coveted greatly.
We went into Adie’s adoption knowing there were possible signs of scary health issues, and many unknowns. A minimal medical file, and very little information. We didn’t have much to go on. No one could have anticipated the valley’s we’d have to go through, or the mountains we’d conquer, yet God on his throne knew exactly what a blessing Adie would be to our family. We are SO grateful we took another leap of faith through adoption and followed God’s will, for our lives through prompt obedience.
After a week of being home we bounded into medical appointments only because of the evident issues we were noticing while in Chin@. Normally its best to wait for some bonding to occur before medical appointments take place. But our situation was more urgent. We’re so thankful for our family doctor who was able to get Adie into all the specialists she needed to see. Many of them take several months to even be seen. We were a little bit overwhelmed to find out we’d be seeing 4-5 different specialists at different points in time. But God has matched us up with some great caregivers, and that makes it a little more bearable.
With us being home just two short weeks, our little girl was given the diagnoses of Neurofibromatosis (NF). We heard a doctor in Chin@ mention the possibility, and when we met with our primary care doctor they mentioned the same thing. So, I researched (googled) everything I could get my Momma hands on. Even though our daughter had almost every symptom listed, my husband and I were pretty confident, in fact 98% positive our daughter had this, before she was ever tested. However, at that moment in time, sitting in that plastic bucket chair – I SO deeply wanted us to be wrong. I felt like we were so unprepared for such a diagnoses, yet I felt so much peace. This news was hard to swallow. Yet we’re still so humbled God chose US to be her family. And in a heartbeat would do this all over again!
At the end of our appointment, the Doctor asked us if we were praying people. We told him “yes, but not as often as we probably should.” He asked if we were Christians. We told him “yes, we are believers.” He exclaimed “That is good good news.” And further proceeded to tell us to continually be in prayer for our daughter. He told us to enjoy every day we have with her, and to celebrate each milestone and positive thing during the time we have with her. The specialist wore a pin on his lab coat that read “In God I trust.” What an encouragement and reminder it was to my husband and I. Because, our trust IS IN God, the one who holds all, and knows all. What a comfort, we aren’t in control – but HE IS!
Adopting a child with NF and other multiple special needs was not something we set out to do, nor was NF something we had ever been exposed to, or even educated about. But when we saw her face in that picture, our heartstrings were instantly pulled. We didn’t know the extent of her medical file but knew there were scary unknowns. One thing we did know for sure was – she needed a family. And even though we didn’t know at that moment she was already chosen to be ours – we new she was just as special, and just as worthy of a family as any other child. She wasn’t a child with unknown special needs. NO, she was a little girl. A little girl who needed a family.
We have no need to feel anxious or be full of fear because God has prepared everything in advance surrounding Adie’s adoption. We look back at the provisions He provided to bring her home, and all the barriers He broke down for us to get to her. And it literally brings tears to our eyes. He’s Faithful! We can rest comfortably in that knowledge. Do we like hearing such news? No. Do we wish we could make things better? Humanly speaking, some days yes.
There are moments I look back on the time we saw little Adie’s face in that picture. And all the thoughts that ran through my mind. The fear that kept creeping in. Fear of what adding her to our family meant for the rest of our children, and our family. Fear of what our future may look like, fear that there might be something we absolutely couldn’t handle. Fear of medical costs that we could so easily accumulate. And in those moments, I think I absolutely truly started to understand the ramifications of what it really means to say, “Less of Me, more of HIM.” It’s when we’re at the end ourselves, when we truly begin to see the beginning of HIM.
He must increase, but I must decrease. – John 3:30
My husband and I came to the place where we knew we couldn’t handle a child with multiple unknown special needs. Really, can anyone do that alone? We came to the end of ourselves, and truly gave God the wheel – so He could show us what was BEST. He kept tugging on our hearts for our Adie girl, while we prayed for her family. And we are awestruck at the thought. Because after all, God not only knew Adie needed our family, but that WE needed her!
We are growing in areas I never noticed needed growing. Our marriage is being refined and strengthened as well as the rest of our family. Ultimately, saying yes was scary, but being her mother is not, it’s a blessing. And God has equipped us, and keeps giving us the strength and endurance we need to raise yet again, another priceless, treasured soul. I am humbled and honored that God chose me to be her Mama, just like he did with every single one of my children. Through her – God has already taught us so much. And we pray he will only grow us more. For His glory, alone.
If in this deep, and often dark valley is where we personally grow to be more like Him, to truly know Him. Then this is right where I desire to be. God not only has a special purpose and plan for our daughter, but for us as her parents as well. So humbled.